On hugs

Hugs are, in my experience, portals. They hold universes of power and love. They release all kinds of hormones in our bodies. They’re jus really good.

I have a couple of them that I remember more clearly. They hold me down, anchor me to certain moments in time. To feelings, sensations and memories.

I remember one where I connected deeply with a woman during a long form workshop. I can’t explain the connection in any other way than that it was made to be. At the end of the workshop, everyone was saying their good byes among the 100 something participants and 20 something facilitators and hosts. I couldn’t find her, and asked everyone where she was.

It turned out she’d gone to the hosting teams’ back office to take a couple of minutes by herself. One of the hosts showed me the way there. The door was open, and I saw her meditating sitting on a chair with her eyes closed. The person who led me in there had told me that she’d said that I could come in to disturb her, so I gently knocked the door.

We said our good byes, I praised her facilitation and we wished each other all the greatness people wish each other when filled with that much emotion. She stood up, and we hugged for what seemed to be an eternity. I still remember all of the feelings rushing though my body at the time. It was a really beautiful moment, and a perfect end to a really intense 4 days.

I remember another hug from a stranger I got on a concert. My all time favourite hiphop group were playing, and they were playing a song that I know really well. She’d been dancing around in front of the stage for the entire concert, obviously quite intoxicated. I noticed that some guys had been dancing with her and wanted to hook up, but she wasn’t interested.

Then she stumbled around some more, and ended up face to face with me. She looked at me, and I could see all the happy and tired in her face. And then she just leaned in for one of the most heartfelt hugs I’ve ever felt. And she held it for a whole song. We stood there dancing a little bit back and forth. I sang the song in to her ear. She laughed.

When the song was over, she released, took a step back and looked at me. Now, her face even more filled with joy than before. Then she stumbled on.

I had a Swedish poet crying on my shoulder once, whilst we were hugging for 20 minutes. It was a divine experience to hold someone for that long. All of the rushes of emotions that I usually feel in a normal long hug came and went in those 20 minutes. Sometimes there was a vacuum. Sometimes they came back. For some time I felt really really sad.

I can describe a dussin more hugs that have carried me forward in life. The point being a reminder that when we can, we need to hug. And pay attention to the hug rather than just giving it. Be there for it, and do it properly. It’s worth it.