Opting in, or out?

A couple of years ago I spent part of the summer at my grandfathers’ house on the countryside. Him and his wife had a bunch of fun friends that would come and stay for a couple of nights, and sometimes even more would come for dinner. Every single evening was an amazing feast there, accompanied with calm and relaxing days.

There was this one man, my grandfathers’ age but with a stomach that seemed to live its own life, being a lot older. We had a conversation, and when I came in I remember telling my mom and grandpas wife about it. He’d said something along the lines of:

In life, you’re always going to have to choose things, and other things you’ll have to choose not to. To have, do or see. And that’s the important part, what you choose not to.

My mom and L became quite agitated at the whole thing, and thought he was completely wrong. They even called him a “cynical old man”. They told me about the importance of choosing, and being content with what you choose. according to them, it’s not even remotely as important what you opt out from.

Now, remembering the interaction I have two thoughts:

1. I to some degree agree with my mom and L. It is important to be content with what you opt in to, and realise why you have done so in the first place. Because that’s what you can control.
2. It’s just as important to realise what you’re opting out of. Because realising that you’re opting out of somethings when you opt in for others is going to contribute to your decision making process.

This all stems from a realisation that I had a year ago: I’m not going to be able to do, see and be everything I want to be. There simply isn’t time. I’d love to try to be an architect. And go to Mars. And play professional soccer. And table tennis. And I’d love to be a psychologist. And. And. And.

I’ve got that kind of curiosity. So realising I’m opting in for something, it’s important to realise that the time I’m using for that activity is going to take from all of the other possible activities that I could otherwise pursue.

The takeaway for me is that I’m deliberately diverting my attention to what I’ve chosen, not to cause regret, anxiety and a sore neck.